Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
So here I am in a new town, at a new school, with a new circle. Can't say it's all good but not much to complain about really. Really looking forward to what the next couple of months will bring and the road I'm heading down. Every time I start a new school or move to a new place it's like a new adventure. Not knowing anyone or anything before I get there, I go in blind and expecting anything. Some people really hate starting over and not knowing what lies behind the next corner. I absolutly love it! The last few days have been great and exciting. All in all a good experience so far.
6/2/09
Isn't it curious the relationships we make in life. The ones we break early so that we can keep from feeling too much. The ones we keep that hurt us, afraid to be alone and feel nothing. Staying too long, sheltered from the unknown. Those we see walk away, unaware of how hard we pushed them. Jumping from one to another, tasting the excitement of each but unable to savor the emotion that comes with time. Trying and retrying the same ones, in hopes to find something new or different. We make and break relationships throughout our lives. Trying to find the right fits for the right lives. Sometimes crashing into one other, at other times running in opposite directions.
3/11/09
Been mulling over this post for some weeks now, and after that last post I think I should put up something a little more...optimistic? Little heavy and parents or loved ones may not want to read it. Happy thoughts.:-D
I find a lot of people feel pity for those who believe in something other than their own beliefs. In other words, Christians feel pity on all non-Christians, Muslims pray for non believers, and Jews try to show others the right way of living. It's a part of being a believer in something, or nothing. Your right and the rest are wrong. Nothing wrong with that fact, just part of the deal. If someone tries to tell you otherwise they are lying.
With the above holding true, I think us "non-believers" get the brunt of the pity and conversion attempts. People view us as broken in a way or think that somewhere along the way we were let down or hurt by religion in general. In a way this is accurate I guess, we didn't find something we were looking for in religion, so yes we were disappointing or let down. I also think that this is a simplistic explanation. It makes non-believers seem childish, damaged, and basic. We've taken the easy way out. Without rules or a god to dictate our lives, we can do what we want, without worrying about right and wrong or consequences. This is the assumption that I have issue with.
Yes, I don't believe in capital case God. The guy in the sky. Mr. Number One. The Alpha and Omega. I choose not to believe in a god that gives people more than they can handle. I choose not to see a divine reason behind pointless pain and suffering. The prayers that go unanswered and the lives untouched can not simply be the result of a god who knows better, who has a reason for violence, disease, agony, and injustice. In my opinion however, this lack of belief makes life no more easier than leading a life of a believer. Without God, there is no reassurance of peace, or a higher plan. No final judgment for the wicked and no hope of help from above. The world is what it is, and no greater force is at work behind the curtain. At times this is difficult to live with. In times of pain and confusion you want somewhere to turn to. You want someone to call out to and depend on. It would be comforting to know there is a reason and plan for all this b.s. that is going on in the world.
Here's what I do believe in however. I believe that people are good and powerful. That they can be wicked and evil but are just as good at be kind and generous. I believe that they have the power to alter the course of humanity and that the individual can create a storm of change. No prayers are needed for strength, no help from the clouds need be called upon. Within everyone is the power to act and affect the world around them. I chose to aim the credit at those who deserve it. People find will from within, not without. They are molded and formed by those that live among them, on the same plane. I believe that we are here with no set purpose, no predetermined goal or achievement. We get out of life what we chose to pull from it. No life is wasted or unused. How can such descriptions be given without a set purpose. Missed opportunities, sure, but only to take certain paths over others.
The life of one who doesn't believe is not one of simplicity, ease, or cynicism. It comes with the same challenges, joys, and tribulations as any life comes with. Comfort however must be found elsewhere. They must rely on those they share the living experience with. They are not blindly feeling their way in the darkness but rather light their path with a different colored flame. This is not a test, or postponement of things to come, but rather the end game. This is it, the time for action is now, and the time to cherish that around you is firmly in the present.
Yeah I know this isn't the rants or mean remarks. I'm just so tired of that sad look of pity people give when you say you don't believe in what they subscribe to. They try to convert and explain to you how much better their way is. It isn't. We just see things different. Stop feeling bad for us, stop trying to save us. I know it's only because you love us. Well I could say the same to you. Join the dark side, its better over here, its only because I love you.:-p
I find a lot of people feel pity for those who believe in something other than their own beliefs. In other words, Christians feel pity on all non-Christians, Muslims pray for non believers, and Jews try to show others the right way of living. It's a part of being a believer in something, or nothing. Your right and the rest are wrong. Nothing wrong with that fact, just part of the deal. If someone tries to tell you otherwise they are lying.
With the above holding true, I think us "non-believers" get the brunt of the pity and conversion attempts. People view us as broken in a way or think that somewhere along the way we were let down or hurt by religion in general. In a way this is accurate I guess, we didn't find something we were looking for in religion, so yes we were disappointing or let down. I also think that this is a simplistic explanation. It makes non-believers seem childish, damaged, and basic. We've taken the easy way out. Without rules or a god to dictate our lives, we can do what we want, without worrying about right and wrong or consequences. This is the assumption that I have issue with.
Yes, I don't believe in capital case God. The guy in the sky. Mr. Number One. The Alpha and Omega. I choose not to believe in a god that gives people more than they can handle. I choose not to see a divine reason behind pointless pain and suffering. The prayers that go unanswered and the lives untouched can not simply be the result of a god who knows better, who has a reason for violence, disease, agony, and injustice. In my opinion however, this lack of belief makes life no more easier than leading a life of a believer. Without God, there is no reassurance of peace, or a higher plan. No final judgment for the wicked and no hope of help from above. The world is what it is, and no greater force is at work behind the curtain. At times this is difficult to live with. In times of pain and confusion you want somewhere to turn to. You want someone to call out to and depend on. It would be comforting to know there is a reason and plan for all this b.s. that is going on in the world.
Here's what I do believe in however. I believe that people are good and powerful. That they can be wicked and evil but are just as good at be kind and generous. I believe that they have the power to alter the course of humanity and that the individual can create a storm of change. No prayers are needed for strength, no help from the clouds need be called upon. Within everyone is the power to act and affect the world around them. I chose to aim the credit at those who deserve it. People find will from within, not without. They are molded and formed by those that live among them, on the same plane. I believe that we are here with no set purpose, no predetermined goal or achievement. We get out of life what we chose to pull from it. No life is wasted or unused. How can such descriptions be given without a set purpose. Missed opportunities, sure, but only to take certain paths over others.
The life of one who doesn't believe is not one of simplicity, ease, or cynicism. It comes with the same challenges, joys, and tribulations as any life comes with. Comfort however must be found elsewhere. They must rely on those they share the living experience with. They are not blindly feeling their way in the darkness but rather light their path with a different colored flame. This is not a test, or postponement of things to come, but rather the end game. This is it, the time for action is now, and the time to cherish that around you is firmly in the present.
Yeah I know this isn't the rants or mean remarks. I'm just so tired of that sad look of pity people give when you say you don't believe in what they subscribe to. They try to convert and explain to you how much better their way is. It isn't. We just see things different. Stop feeling bad for us, stop trying to save us. I know it's only because you love us. Well I could say the same to you. Join the dark side, its better over here, its only because I love you.:-p
3/6/09
Yes Sir, I do think I'm better than you. I peer at you through this plastered on smile as you run the race for the American Dream. Making endless circles from work and home, desperately trying to grab more crap to make you happy. At home the nanny feeds your 2.5 children their 90 second meals and hurries them along their smaller circular paths. Your wife injects her face with poisons, paints away any stress lines, and pines after the newest fashions, all to appear as something she is not. Yes Sir, you have achieved what everyone yearns for. You have the car, the home, the dog, and the job. What more could you want? The newest greatest slickest whatchamacallit is only a paycheck away. You have it all. You've bought into the very lie that was created for you. Send your children to their private schools, where they are taught and trained to buy, consume, and want. Yes Sir, I'll choose my life over yours any day of the year. Keep your suites, parties, and wealth. I'll keep my lie and you keep yours.
"Well it's your choice." "If you want to leave you can." "If you don't want to do this..."
How many times have you heard this toward the end of a relationship? The other person refuses to make a decision, determined to make you the one responsible for ending everything. They pick fights with you at every corner and get made when you deny them the argument. I've even know a guy to cheat, trying to force his bf into breaking up with him. WTF? It's like they have already given up on you and just can't find the courage to be the one to end it. You must be the one to walk away and then when you finally cave in they blame you for destroying what you had. Is this really the game that they want to play?
My favorite is when you actually do get broken up with and they then turn around and try to get you back. Not a few days or weeks down the road, but that same night. Why come running back to someone that is so willing to discard you and the relationship? Then they get upset when you refuse to be hurt again by them. It's baffling. Yeah I cared about you before, but you just broke up with me, that changes everything in a split second.
For me, once someone breaks up with me it's all different from that point on. I've gotten back with exes before, and sometimes it's been a good choice, but overall once the choice is made there is no going back. Some see a breakup as a bargaining tool. "We're in a fight? Well I'm breaking up with you, so there." Fights don't have to end in breakups. They're just an argument. But once those words are uttered it send a clear message. "I'm willing to give you up and willing to end our relationship at anytime." That's not the one I want. I want someone that would never think of ending our relationship. Someone that stands beside me even when we are yelling at each other and despite what is being said or what's going on, still cares for me and still feels strong in our relationship.
Grow a pair. Stand strong in a relationship and weather the storms, there will be a few in any pair's lives. When you do decide it's ending, don't make the other be the one to bare the burden. Finally, if you do take that step, live with your decision. You've broken what you had. Yes it can be glued back together but don't get mad when you find your alone.
How many times have you heard this toward the end of a relationship? The other person refuses to make a decision, determined to make you the one responsible for ending everything. They pick fights with you at every corner and get made when you deny them the argument. I've even know a guy to cheat, trying to force his bf into breaking up with him. WTF? It's like they have already given up on you and just can't find the courage to be the one to end it. You must be the one to walk away and then when you finally cave in they blame you for destroying what you had. Is this really the game that they want to play?
My favorite is when you actually do get broken up with and they then turn around and try to get you back. Not a few days or weeks down the road, but that same night. Why come running back to someone that is so willing to discard you and the relationship? Then they get upset when you refuse to be hurt again by them. It's baffling. Yeah I cared about you before, but you just broke up with me, that changes everything in a split second.
For me, once someone breaks up with me it's all different from that point on. I've gotten back with exes before, and sometimes it's been a good choice, but overall once the choice is made there is no going back. Some see a breakup as a bargaining tool. "We're in a fight? Well I'm breaking up with you, so there." Fights don't have to end in breakups. They're just an argument. But once those words are uttered it send a clear message. "I'm willing to give you up and willing to end our relationship at anytime." That's not the one I want. I want someone that would never think of ending our relationship. Someone that stands beside me even when we are yelling at each other and despite what is being said or what's going on, still cares for me and still feels strong in our relationship.
Grow a pair. Stand strong in a relationship and weather the storms, there will be a few in any pair's lives. When you do decide it's ending, don't make the other be the one to bare the burden. Finally, if you do take that step, live with your decision. You've broken what you had. Yes it can be glued back together but don't get mad when you find your alone.
2/18/09
Do kids still play on the sprinklers? Do they know the art of blowing on a game cartridge? How about what a tape deck is, or even a CD? How to compose a actual letter, or send one through the mail? Do they know what a DOS command is? How to crank a pencil sharpener? Finally do they know the rules of Freeze Tag, Red Rover, and Bloody Murder?
I'm not complaining or saying I miss the years of yesterday. Just curious how much of my childhood is still around.
I'm not complaining or saying I miss the years of yesterday. Just curious how much of my childhood is still around.
1/19/09
Don't you hate those math problems where train A leaves at some time and train B leaves thirty minutes later, headed directly for train A? Then you have to figure out when the two will meet and where on the track that will occur, all before they actually do meet and a horrible accident occurs killing all the people on both trains, scattering them across the country side and creating a fireball that can be seen for miles around. What are they doing on the same track anyways, aren't there safe guards against that sort of thing? Well lets do a little math problem.
Boy A likes Boy B. Boy B likes Boy C. Boy C is friends with Boy D and Boy B. Boy D is dating Boy A. Boy A doesn't like Boy C and tells Boy D he can't be friends with Boy C. Boy B is told not to hang out with Boy C by Boy A. Boy C think the whole thing is fucked up, decides Boy A, B and D are all crazy and drops out of the equation. The answer? 33.972
Don't you just love math? :-D
Boy A likes Boy B. Boy B likes Boy C. Boy C is friends with Boy D and Boy B. Boy D is dating Boy A. Boy A doesn't like Boy C and tells Boy D he can't be friends with Boy C. Boy B is told not to hang out with Boy C by Boy A. Boy C think the whole thing is fucked up, decides Boy A, B and D are all crazy and drops out of the equation. The answer? 33.972
Don't you just love math? :-D
1/18/09
Yeah we're a week into the new year but for me it starts now. Spent the holidays in San Antonio doing what I do. Few parties here and there, work all the time, and only a few core friends still in town. Was a long ass couple of months though. The new year has begun and with it a chance at a fresh start. The holidays are over, all the junk has been taken out with the trash and we get to start with a clean slate. Sadly for me that means a lot of the old friends are gone. They either moved away physically or emotionally. Yes, I gave one or two a swift kick out the door. That's the great thing about life though, you always have the option to hit the reset button. Some may say that as you get older that really isn't an option anymore, not true, you just have to pay a little more when you do. Maybe you lose a few connections like me, or step on a few toes. No matter the cost, the option is always there. It's time to reset. Be the person I want to be, have the people I want in my life, and do the things I hope to do.
1/10/09
The regular readers of my blog may have noticed something a little off the last few weeks. The few posts that I have managed to put up have been considerably shorter and what could only be described as a little off. I'm quite aware of the shift in my writing. I don't think the last two had a single curse word in them or any hint at violence. No, I'm not on any mood stabilizing miracle drug, I haven't started seeing a shrink who has suggested I cool it. The simple answer is my mom reads my blog.
"I've noticed your writing has gotten better. Your spelling has improved drastically, but fairy is spelled f-a-i-r-y not f-a-r-i-y. Write a less...umm... angry post and I'll let so and so know about it." hmmm busted. Actually this would only be a problem if my mom wasn't freaking awesome and cared about shit like that. It has effected my last few blogs. Little more hesitant to write about how f-ed up people are when you know your mother is going to be reading all those four letter words and mean remarks about how stupid your roommates can be. Love ya ma!
I got the, 'you know anybody can read what you post online' lecture and got reminded potential employers can read my blog. Honestly I hope a potential employer does read my blog and hires me. Yes anyone can read my blog, there isn't a password on it, and yes some of the things I say can be a little...rough?. If what I say gets anyone upset just remember I mean it all in great sincerity and honesty. If it hurts your feelings you probably need new ones anyways. I'm not writing the family's Christmas letter or a formal letter of business. It's a freaking blog.
"I've noticed your writing has gotten better. Your spelling has improved drastically, but fairy is spelled f-a-i-r-y not f-a-r-i-y. Write a less...umm... angry post and I'll let so and so know about it." hmmm busted. Actually this would only be a problem if my mom wasn't freaking awesome and cared about shit like that. It has effected my last few blogs. Little more hesitant to write about how f-ed up people are when you know your mother is going to be reading all those four letter words and mean remarks about how stupid your roommates can be. Love ya ma!
I got the, 'you know anybody can read what you post online' lecture and got reminded potential employers can read my blog. Honestly I hope a potential employer does read my blog and hires me. Yes anyone can read my blog, there isn't a password on it, and yes some of the things I say can be a little...rough?. If what I say gets anyone upset just remember I mean it all in great sincerity and honesty. If it hurts your feelings you probably need new ones anyways. I'm not writing the family's Christmas letter or a formal letter of business. It's a freaking blog.
12/9/08
I was sitting at Starbucks, its like crack for me, just people watching when a little kid started talking to me. His dad was sitting outside, totally ignoring him while he talked with some other woman. The kid was talking to me, kind of being annoying but what you gunna do he was probably 6 and even I can’t be mean to kids. Well his dad calls him back over and tells the kid he can’t talk to me anymore.
Now I get the whole don’t talk to strangers deal. There are bad people out there and kids need to be careful but.... do I really look that threatening? If the dad was worried about his kid maybe he should be paying closer attention to him and not let him run around like he was. Also on a totally different level what are parents really teaching kids with this whole "strangers are bad" deal. Yea there are bad people out there but do you really want your kids scared of the people they have to live with? Maybe a healthy respect is a better approach. Not a "fear the unknown" philosophy. Oh and to that dad, who was soooo worried about his kid. Your kid sat at my table for a good 10min, out of your sight, before you even noticed. I could of easily ran off with him.
Now I get the whole don’t talk to strangers deal. There are bad people out there and kids need to be careful but.... do I really look that threatening? If the dad was worried about his kid maybe he should be paying closer attention to him and not let him run around like he was. Also on a totally different level what are parents really teaching kids with this whole "strangers are bad" deal. Yea there are bad people out there but do you really want your kids scared of the people they have to live with? Maybe a healthy respect is a better approach. Not a "fear the unknown" philosophy. Oh and to that dad, who was soooo worried about his kid. Your kid sat at my table for a good 10min, out of your sight, before you even noticed. I could of easily ran off with him.
4/11/08
What do you do when you can no longer watch your friends hurt themselves and fall apart? Just so happens I know a few people who continue to put themselves in bad situations. At some point though I have to say enough, for their sake but mostly for mine. I’m aware this is a selfish act to some degree but I refuse to have people in my life that do that to themselves. I don’t want to put up with it. Some may say I need to stick with them and help them through this time. Screw that, putting others first is ok but I come first in my life, sorry. I might be an ass, but I see it as self preservation.
You ever listen to music and not help but smile? It wasn't a particularly wonderful day yesterday, nothing great happened, nothing to be really excited about but I couldn't stop smiling. The music was just right, the sun was shinning and it just seemed like a great day to be alive. For all the negativity and crap that goes on in my life, its moments like that that make me realize how awesome life can be. You walk outside and just feel like you should be in a cartoon, the birds singing, the trees dancing and the sun looking down at you with a big smile. I hope you have a day like that soon, it makes life so freaking great.
*INSERT EXPLICIT HERE* 
What am I doing? Most of the time I'm ok and function rather well. I can keep going through the day not showing too much emotion. Its so much easier not to feel. But then there's days like today when I can't stop mulling all this crap over in my head. Am I doing the right thing? What if this was my chance? Again the question of the day seems to be; "When did life get so complicated?" I wish there was a pause button somewhere. I don't regret anything but the foundation seems to be tumbling down from underneath me.
What am I doing? Most of the time I'm ok and function rather well. I can keep going through the day not showing too much emotion. Its so much easier not to feel. But then there's days like today when I can't stop mulling all this crap over in my head. Am I doing the right thing? What if this was my chance? Again the question of the day seems to be; "When did life get so complicated?" I wish there was a pause button somewhere. I don't regret anything but the foundation seems to be tumbling down from underneath me.
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