You ever get an image in your head? It's two o'clock in the morning and this is what I've got so far:
A woman with porcelain skin sits alone in her apartment. She is in her mid to late twenties. Her hair is cut just above shoulder length and the brown shine reflects the light coming from her floor lamp in a magnificently mundane manner. She's dressed in a simple floral dress that flatters her small frame but isn't quite filled out in the chest. Quietly sitting with her hands in her lap, she adjusts slightly and the plastic covered couch makes an almost silent squeak. The couch is a mint green and would be seen as outdated outside the walls of the apartment but is right at home where it rests. The wall behind her is dimly lit but bare. Painted green some might describe it as mint green. This green is different than the couch however, as though the walls were painted and faced with the impossibility of finding a matching couch she settled for her current one. She sits there waiting, not turning as a passing car slowly illuminates each part of the room separately as it passes outside her covered window. Dressed for the night she waits. Not waiting for anyone or thing in particular; simply waiting.
Weird huh? Maybe I should get some sleep...
WTF! I don't know what to say. Discovery Health should not be allowed on TV, or at least should be by order only, like Playboy channel or something. Just surfing along, flipping through the channels, not really paying attention. BAM! 300lb woman, on the floor, in her home, completely naked, gives birth to a freaking baby. Right there. No doctors or convinent white sheet. Not even laying down, she's on all fours, curses a few times and pop there's a baby. The midwife seems to pull the baby out, wipes it off and hands it to the mom, still naked, sitting on the floor. They don't even bother with the cord. Two yards of it just bundled up on the woman's lap. WTF! OMG What if there were children in the room? I don't want my children exposed to that stuff. Forget violence on TV, I'm 20yrs old and now scared for seeing that.
I'm so glad I'm a man. Messy, gross and ugh. I'm sorry but child birth is not a magical, wonderful moment. Maybe the pregnancy is wonderful and all but the final act...no not at all.
I'm so glad I'm a man. Messy, gross and ugh. I'm sorry but child birth is not a magical, wonderful moment. Maybe the pregnancy is wonderful and all but the final act...no not at all.
11/18/08
I call everyone kid. If your under 35 your a kid. Some people think it's a pretentious thing, or because I'm arrogant and look down at them. Nah I say. Not true. Just something I picked up somewhere along the way. This is true however, high school kids deserve to be called kids. They drive me crazy. Yeah yeah I know I was in high school myself not to long ago. I didn't like them then either.
You travel in packs, roaming the malls and local public areas. With no regard to those around your gang walks side by side clearing any walkway. Why must you try so hard to be cool? Everyone has their iphone out, talking as loud as possible to their newest b.f.f. or b.f.f.e.a.e. Dude you shouldn't go through an Axe can every other day. Showering is a necessity now, do so daily. Ladies, perfume is not a pheromone, your presence doesn't need to be sensed a mile down the road. Please stop invading my coffee shops. I know it's the cool place to meet up, but unless your buying a cup of joe just go to the park. If there is more than four of you, just go somewhere else. Your too freaking loud. No a double chocolate chip thingy with whipped cream and syrup on the top doesn't qualify as drinking coffee, its a milkshake at best. I don't know you, I don't want to know you. The day I graduated from high school was the day I became better than you in every single way, or at least earned the right to act like I am.
Yes, some of you are rather cool and not a pain like your brethren. Hang in there. The jocks and blonds will still be there in college, but at least there everyone will know they are complete idiots, including your professors. They'll form these groups calls fraternities and sororities so they don't feel so out of place when the rest of their class grows out of the high school clicks and overall idiocy that prevails in H.S.
You travel in packs, roaming the malls and local public areas. With no regard to those around your gang walks side by side clearing any walkway. Why must you try so hard to be cool? Everyone has their iphone out, talking as loud as possible to their newest b.f.f. or b.f.f.e.a.e. Dude you shouldn't go through an Axe can every other day. Showering is a necessity now, do so daily. Ladies, perfume is not a pheromone, your presence doesn't need to be sensed a mile down the road. Please stop invading my coffee shops. I know it's the cool place to meet up, but unless your buying a cup of joe just go to the park. If there is more than four of you, just go somewhere else. Your too freaking loud. No a double chocolate chip thingy with whipped cream and syrup on the top doesn't qualify as drinking coffee, its a milkshake at best. I don't know you, I don't want to know you. The day I graduated from high school was the day I became better than you in every single way, or at least earned the right to act like I am.
Yes, some of you are rather cool and not a pain like your brethren. Hang in there. The jocks and blonds will still be there in college, but at least there everyone will know they are complete idiots, including your professors. They'll form these groups calls fraternities and sororities so they don't feel so out of place when the rest of their class grows out of the high school clicks and overall idiocy that prevails in H.S.
I've never been one to get swept up in the holiday spirit. No Christmas carols, no god awful sweaters, no over the top shopping sprees. I do however now work at a store that seems to pride itself in being Holiday Central for decorating your house. OMG the glitter is everywhere! They had to dip those flowers in a glitter tank, or sprayed it on like paint. Walking home from work, someone might think I got in a fight with a ferry and lost big time. Probably a path from the store to my car, a sparkly silver trail. I get home and its like I just got home from the beach, only much shinier. The glitter is on my clothes, in my hair, hidden behind my ears, and places no glitter should be found. Glitter everywhere. There's no hiding from it. I fought the glitter and the glitter won. Freaking sparkly holiday.
11/17/08
I love going to the coffee shop. Not so much for the coffee, I can make that at home for so much less, but rather for the people that seem to like going to the coffee shop. Sitting there with my ungodly hot cafe mocha a girl about my age and three months pregnant asks if she can share my table. I'm sitting at a table with really comfy chairs (so you know it's not Starbucks) and she wanted to sit in one, her having this thing grow in her and all. So she's sitting a few feet away from me, much closer than any stranger usually sits in this type of setting. I feel we really had a bond going. Each sitting in our comfy chairs reading our books in silence.
A few pages after she sits down someone she knows comes into the shop. "Your pregnant!" Obviously they don't see each other that often since my table mate now looks like she ate an entire watermelon in one bite. They start talking and I soon lose all interest in what my book says.
I don't like this new girl. She broke the silence at our table and is talking incredibly too loud. I'm within arms length of the two and am busy trying to pretend to read. I listen to bits and pieces of their conversation, missing parts when I start trying to guess how long it would take me to normally read the page I'm on if I were actually reading. I can't let them know I'm spying on their conversation and feel it necessary to turn the page every once in awhile. I can go back and "reread" those pages.
This new girl is all about her. What she's been up to and how she spent last night.
I soon lose interest in their conversation, they say their goodbyes, and my table mate leaves. I'm engrossed in my book, really this time, until snobby chick starts talking on her phone, once again in a louder than needed voice.
A few pages after she sits down someone she knows comes into the shop. "Your pregnant!" Obviously they don't see each other that often since my table mate now looks like she ate an entire watermelon in one bite. They start talking and I soon lose all interest in what my book says.
I don't like this new girl. She broke the silence at our table and is talking incredibly too loud. I'm within arms length of the two and am busy trying to pretend to read. I listen to bits and pieces of their conversation, missing parts when I start trying to guess how long it would take me to normally read the page I'm on if I were actually reading. I can't let them know I'm spying on their conversation and feel it necessary to turn the page every once in awhile. I can go back and "reread" those pages.
This new girl is all about her. What she's been up to and how she spent last night.
I went out with these people I just met. Totally not the sort of people I would chose to be friends with. All they could talk about is other people and sex. [My ears perk up.] I mean when my friends and I get drunk we get into conversations about religion and gun control. We have great epic conversations that would rival those Aristotle would of had. [I'm sure she was thinking that even if she didn't say it out loud] All they could talk about was gossip. As soon as two of them left, the others started talking about them. 'oh I can't stand them. did you know what he did last weekend?' I just felt dirty when I finally left...This girl goes on like this for a good ten minutes. I'm thinking that she's just a stuck up, 'I'm a smart college kid who is soooooo above these people' kind of person. Yeah, I judge people like that.
I soon lose interest in their conversation, they say their goodbyes, and my table mate leaves. I'm engrossed in my book, really this time, until snobby chick starts talking on her phone, once again in a louder than needed voice.
I'm just here studying...probably be here till around ten...ran into one of my friends, we used to be best friends. She's pregnant now and didn't even tell me. Yeah she always wanted to be a stay at home mom and I guess she's gunna do the whole single mom thing now. I can't believe she's pregnant...I went out with them last night, their just not the sort of people I would choose to hang out with...Don't you just hate those people that can't talk about anything more than other people and can't wait for them to leave the room for more than a minute before they start talking about them?
11/9/08
Like I said above I'm unbelievable pissed. If I had written this last night the post would of been full of foul, inappropriate, "I'm sorry mother" words and #$@%@#$ (shit like that). Woohoo we got a black president. I don't really care what your political stance is, you got to admit it's pretty awesome that we actually will have a black dude in the white house. Buuuuuuttttt that's not why I'm pissed. I'm mad at the freaking people in California, Arizona, Arkansas, and Florida. Ok yeah, Arkansas and Arizona no big surprises there. They hate gays. But California? We already had the right to marry there and now "wait nope we changed our minds". Arkansas's Initiative 1 went as far as to say gay couples can't adopt children. That has nothing to do with the sanctity of marriage folks. They just think queers are a danger to kids. So as the media is hooting and hollering about the great step that just happened in civil rights, they so kindly ignore what just happened in four of the states. hmmmm priorities?
So this is why I'm so upset. The GBLT (that's an acronym that means all the different people Evangelicals like to hate and tell they're going to burn) community, all across the country, allowed this to happen. For years gays have sat on their hands waiting patiently for someone to help them out. They haven't gotten mad at the slow decay of their rights. Sure a kid gets beat up or killed, but what you gunna do? That's the world we live in. Where are the laws protecting you from discrimination in the work place? nope not yet. Maybe one day...sigh...
Where are the angry gays who have had enough? You know what? No, it's not ok to use "gay" in exchange for saying something is stupid or dumb. Unless it likes to have sex with things its own gender don't call it gay. No, it's not ok to be referred to as someone's "gay friend". You're not a pet or novelty to be cherished like a shinny toy. "oh don't worry Tim doesn't act gay, he's cool" wtf does that mean?!? Act gay? You mean he doesn't carry a purse or wear a dress? That has nothing to do with being gay, that has to do with acting like a woman. Stop using sexual orientation as a character trait. It's not! Maybe when homos stop allowing others to treat them different or like some separate group, people will stop seeing them in a certain light. Stand up for yourself. "They don't mean anything by it" is no longer an excuse. They're supporting a bigoted f-ed up way of thinking.
If your not upset by the current situation you deserve the situation your going to find the country in a few years. I'm pissed and honestly I think more people should be. I don't care if your gay, bi, straight, or somewhere in the middle (or on your own separate path), take a close look at how your acting and the behavior you allow to take place around you. Grow some balls, my lesbian friends included, and start speaking up for yourself, your friends, and your family. Oh and if your thinking, "That's not me. I have plenty of gay friends" wrong. your part of the problem as well. For god's sake people wake up, stop accepting the sub-par conditions and demand a change. Not somewhere down the road, when people are more accepting, but now. People are being attacked, ideologically and physically, and it's not ok.
You want to have a conversation? Say something? Be my guest. Comment button is right down there. You can email me as well.
So this is why I'm so upset. The GBLT (that's an acronym that means all the different people Evangelicals like to hate and tell they're going to burn) community, all across the country, allowed this to happen. For years gays have sat on their hands waiting patiently for someone to help them out. They haven't gotten mad at the slow decay of their rights. Sure a kid gets beat up or killed, but what you gunna do? That's the world we live in. Where are the laws protecting you from discrimination in the work place? nope not yet. Maybe one day...sigh...
Where are the angry gays who have had enough? You know what? No, it's not ok to use "gay" in exchange for saying something is stupid or dumb. Unless it likes to have sex with things its own gender don't call it gay. No, it's not ok to be referred to as someone's "gay friend". You're not a pet or novelty to be cherished like a shinny toy. "oh don't worry Tim doesn't act gay, he's cool" wtf does that mean?!? Act gay? You mean he doesn't carry a purse or wear a dress? That has nothing to do with being gay, that has to do with acting like a woman. Stop using sexual orientation as a character trait. It's not! Maybe when homos stop allowing others to treat them different or like some separate group, people will stop seeing them in a certain light. Stand up for yourself. "They don't mean anything by it" is no longer an excuse. They're supporting a bigoted f-ed up way of thinking.
If your not upset by the current situation you deserve the situation your going to find the country in a few years. I'm pissed and honestly I think more people should be. I don't care if your gay, bi, straight, or somewhere in the middle (or on your own separate path), take a close look at how your acting and the behavior you allow to take place around you. Grow some balls, my lesbian friends included, and start speaking up for yourself, your friends, and your family. Oh and if your thinking, "That's not me. I have plenty of gay friends" wrong. your part of the problem as well. For god's sake people wake up, stop accepting the sub-par conditions and demand a change. Not somewhere down the road, when people are more accepting, but now. People are being attacked, ideologically and physically, and it's not ok.
You want to have a conversation? Say something? Be my guest. Comment button is right down there. You can email me as well.
11/6/08
Well dilemmas dilemmas... When I was very little, I had a forgiving side to me. Certain friends would do stupid, hurtful things and I would forgive them. I remember rather vividly my mom asking me why I would do that. We were sitting on a green bench outside the front of my house. Damn that bench lasted way longer than it should of. I guess as a kid, I just figured that's what you do. You forgive.
Getting older however changes you. I've become more guarded and cynical when it comes to people. I still want to think the best of people and trust them, it's just hard to do once they hurt you. Holding hate in your heart and not forgiving is truely unhealthy. That's not my problem. I forgave long ago. Trust is totally different however.
I was deeply hurt this summer. Without going into detail, I was wronged by someone, they screwed up big time. This time I can truly say I did nothing wrong. I thought it was a done deal. Never see or talk to the person again. Get over any feelings for them and move on. Time heals all wounds. Now they went and apologized and want to rebuild some kind of relationship. I use "relationship" to describe any kind of friendly connection. Messed up my plans for sure. I have no idea what to do. Forgive, forget, let them back in my life. Just close the door and keep things as they were. Despite my best efforts, feelings still lay underneath my armor. They would go away though in time. Right now there isn't many options. Distance and priorities. The question however is what to do with feelings.
I wish I could return to how I was as a kid. I trusted people with such ease. You said your sorry and I said "ok". No questions asked. What happened to me that stole that part away. Maybe through some effort I can get back to that place. I want to sit on that bench again, as a boy turning into a man, and be able to once again say, "that's just what you do".
Getting older however changes you. I've become more guarded and cynical when it comes to people. I still want to think the best of people and trust them, it's just hard to do once they hurt you. Holding hate in your heart and not forgiving is truely unhealthy. That's not my problem. I forgave long ago. Trust is totally different however.
I was deeply hurt this summer. Without going into detail, I was wronged by someone, they screwed up big time. This time I can truly say I did nothing wrong. I thought it was a done deal. Never see or talk to the person again. Get over any feelings for them and move on. Time heals all wounds. Now they went and apologized and want to rebuild some kind of relationship. I use "relationship" to describe any kind of friendly connection. Messed up my plans for sure. I have no idea what to do. Forgive, forget, let them back in my life. Just close the door and keep things as they were. Despite my best efforts, feelings still lay underneath my armor. They would go away though in time. Right now there isn't many options. Distance and priorities. The question however is what to do with feelings.
I wish I could return to how I was as a kid. I trusted people with such ease. You said your sorry and I said "ok". No questions asked. What happened to me that stole that part away. Maybe through some effort I can get back to that place. I want to sit on that bench again, as a boy turning into a man, and be able to once again say, "that's just what you do".
11/3/08
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
