A couple of my friends really liked my last sociology post so I decided to do another real quick one. Most people don't really think about gender and sex very much in their day to day lives, but the two concepts might be some of the most important traits you carry in life. Everything you do, say, and think tends to be colored by your concept of self and the gender you have. In sociology however the two words have very different meanings and implications.
Sex is largely a biological characteristic. When you think sex, think xx or xy. For all intents and purposes you can think of this as dichotomous grouping of male and female, although a reasonable argument can be made against this bipolar treatment of sex.
Gender is the socially constructed groups or spectrum of man and woman, feminine and masculine. They have no meaning outside of social constructs and science has trouble finding biological backing for these groups. In sociology it is often refereed to as "doing gender". What you wear, how you walk, the manner in which you speak, and your thinking all have a part in constructing your gender.
Some of the most frustrating conversations I've had with people revolve around these two ideas. A large portion of my studies and research have to do with gender as a social construct. People ask me what I do, I start of explaining the "safe" topic of sociology, then they ask more questions and I say the three words that always are returned with a weird half interested half perplexed look; gender and sexuality. The idea of gender is one so familiar to everyone that they vary rarely take time to think about it. And they certainly don't think of it as a by product of society. Most people have a hard time letting go of the concept that men and women are genetically different (beyond very real physical differences) and they often get rather agitated when faced with the alternative view. They have been taught since birth, "your a boy, you act this way" and "girls play with dolls, boys play with action figures." Women aren't better at art, they aren't more caring, and they aren't more cautious than men because of some gene they have. Men don't excel in engineering and math, aren't naturally daring, and don't posses some innate rejection of the color pink. (I highlight with a pink highlighter for exactly that reason, boys aren't supposed to use pink highlighters :-p) All these things are part of a gender role. The gender gap in earnings, education, and power have nothing to do with your chromosomes.
In Houston I was waiting on one of my friends in a nail salon. I was sitting in the waiting area (I have a thing about people I don't know touching my feet) and a extended African American family walked in. Two kids, their parents, and an aunt and uncle all came in to get their nails done. The two kids, a boy and girl, were probably six or seven. Everyone was going to get a mani/pedi, a family event. The little boy was having none of it however. "I don't want to be here. It's for girls." The mom and dad explained to him that boys and girls can get their nails done. "See Uncle Steven is doing it too." I couldn't help but smile. These parents were with the times. They were trying their best to counter the education their son was receiving from the rest of the world. I wanted to tell them "Damn right it's for boys and girls! You go with your awesome parenting skills!"
Tought I'd pass this little tid bit along. I was trying to post something in one of my class forums and had to look up if it was "suppose to" or "supposed to". If your like me you sound things out in your head when you type but it didn't really look right when I wrote "suppose to". You can suppose things are true but your not supposed to "suppose to do anything". Although when your speaking the 'd' is silent. Sooooo "suppose" -yes "suppose to" -no "supposed to" -yes (unless your speaking)
I moved into my new place a few weeks ago. It's tinny, like ten steps to the other side tiny. I'm getting ready to move to a big city where rent is expensive and I only can afford 500 square feet. One room. Notice I said one room, not one bedroom. I love it. Problem is finding a sofa small enough to fit in the tiny studio apartment without having to crawl over it to get from the door to the kitchen. I found a few options, but none are real comfy. Then today midway through the second movie I was watching, ironically enough about design, I realized something. I'd been sitting on the floor for the last three hours rather comfortably. Actually I spend a whole lot of time sitting on the floor. My friends back home used to make fun of me for the exact same reason. This isn't to say that I'm not going to buy a sofa. I need one to make my place look a little more finished. However, the floor isn't the softest place to sit and I'm quite at home sitting on it. Maybe I'd be better off with a firm, classy, sofa that fits my place, opposed to a big fluffy sofa.
8/21/10
I start graduate school in a few weeks. YAY!! Finally get to learn useful things that actually matter and not crap that I need to know for some standardized test. Yesterday I went to the bookstore to buy my books for the semester. I'm taking three classes, nine hours. Not a whole lot but I'll be done in under two years if everything goes all right.
After a short search for all my books and waiting a half hour to get rung up I left the store with books in hand. Over $400 worth of books. DAMN. I'm not a medical student, none of them were textbooks. It was absurd. Over a foot and a half of books. Not really a yard but a bunch of books I think. You know those people with floor to ceiling bookshelves? Yeah I'm a little closer to that status today.
After a short search for all my books and waiting a half hour to get rung up I left the store with books in hand. Over $400 worth of books. DAMN. I'm not a medical student, none of them were textbooks. It was absurd. Over a foot and a half of books. Not really a yard but a bunch of books I think. You know those people with floor to ceiling bookshelves? Yeah I'm a little closer to that status today.
8/3/10
I was at a friends house the other day in Houston. His roommate had
recently lost his job and everyone was kin of bummed, talkin about it.
I was a little hesitant but asked what happened. Cometo find out he
missed work one day, skipped a on-call shift, and a few other things.
"Wait, you didn't go to work a few times and now your surprised you
don't have a job. AND everyone feels sorry for you?" What's wrong with
this picture. I've never just not showed up for work. Never skipped a
shift I was assigned. I don't understand how people do that sort of
thing. "Hmm I don't feel like going into work today, I'll just sleep."
To top it off everyone else was shocked, and offering the "that really
sucks man" comfort. No it doesn't suck. That's exactly how the world
does and should work. What sucks is when you lose your job for no
reason or for something that is totally out of your control. Not for
being a sucky worker and employee.
recently lost his job and everyone was kin of bummed, talkin about it.
I was a little hesitant but asked what happened. Cometo find out he
missed work one day, skipped a on-call shift, and a few other things.
"Wait, you didn't go to work a few times and now your surprised you
don't have a job. AND everyone feels sorry for you?" What's wrong with
this picture. I've never just not showed up for work. Never skipped a
shift I was assigned. I don't understand how people do that sort of
thing. "Hmm I don't feel like going into work today, I'll just sleep."
To top it off everyone else was shocked, and offering the "that really
sucks man" comfort. No it doesn't suck. That's exactly how the world
does and should work. What sucks is when you lose your job for no
reason or for something that is totally out of your control. Not for
being a sucky worker and employee.
Sent from my iPhone
7/12/10
I have a MySpace profile. I know, that is so 1999. I don't really use it that much. More there just in case someone's like, "hey check out my MySpace profile!" It opens in a tab on my homepage settings, so a few times a day I can glance and see what's new with Red or a few of my friends who are behind the Facebook curve. (Quick note, my spell check doesn't know what MySpace or Facebook is.) Lately however I've been having to do much more work on MySpace than before. People keep trying to add me as their friends and I don't even know them. "$$%-Dave-%$$ wants to be your friend" "JANEO234 just added you!" Who are these people? My favorite is when some profile adds me and sends a message. "Hey sexy, remember me? Add me as your friend?" Hmmm no I don't remember you and I'm pretty sure your a girl with entirely too large breasts...SPAM (Nother side note, when did a meat substitute in a can become bogus Internet messages that try to sell you something?) I know I'm rather popular, everyone who's anyone wants to be my B.F.F., but the **SAM**'s of the world really need to lay off.
7/7/10
I would never wish to be straight or "normal". I've learned so much about myself and the world being who I am and how I was born. The flip side to that however is that I would never wish my children to be gay. Like all parents I would want the easiest life for them, totally lacking in hurdles and heartache. There are much easier ways to learn acceptance and strength.
I had a coworker tell me the other day that her friend is having real trouble after her son came out to her. The mother is worried about her son's well being and happiness. She's heard about drugs and dangers that are present in the community and doesn't want that kind of life for her child. There wasn't much I could say against what she has heard. It's one of the few statistics that the Family Research Foundation uses, that I can't object to. It is true. Homosexuals are at higher risk of suicide and drug use. Gay youths are four times more likely to kill themselves than their hetero counterparts. There's no getting around the numbers. The problem is when these dangers are contributed to homosexuality and not the prejudices and stresses the larger public puts on the minority group. Yes, it is much harder to be gay in America than it is to be straight. A loving, supportive family can go a long way in reducing these percentages.
I truly am proud to be gay. I don't carry a rainbow banner or march in parades with glitter in my hair. But I have no problem with being a queer. There are rough parts however. It's a unnerving feeling to know that people truly hate you, people you don't even know. They hate you with great honesty and passion. Nothing I have done in the past has created this hatred and nothing in the future will ease the feeling in many cases. They believe with their whole heart that I am a horrible being. The even harder part is when you realize that these people are good men and women. "They want me to burn in hell? No big, they suck." That's easy. When you start seeing them as good human beings, is when your heart starts to twinge. They were raised a certain way or have experienced the world from an point of view that has set them down a certain path. They believe in my immorality just as much as I believe in the air I breath.
I would never wish my children to have people hate them for such a reason. Or for them to always be mindful of where they are and who they are with. To sometimes walk in public a few steps behind the one they love. To pretend they aren't dating someone when asked in certain company. To have people assume they are a certain way because of one trait. I never want them to have to defend who they are to strangers or have strangers feel justified to pry into their lives.
There are so many discussions I am fine having with people, but I would never want my children to have. A family member once asked me why gays and lesbians have to make their sexuality into a lifestyle; why does it have to be such a big deal to them. We don't. The rest of the world makes it a big deal and a lifestyle, we just react to the society we live in.
I had a coworker tell me the other day that her friend is having real trouble after her son came out to her. The mother is worried about her son's well being and happiness. She's heard about drugs and dangers that are present in the community and doesn't want that kind of life for her child. There wasn't much I could say against what she has heard. It's one of the few statistics that the Family Research Foundation uses, that I can't object to. It is true. Homosexuals are at higher risk of suicide and drug use. Gay youths are four times more likely to kill themselves than their hetero counterparts. There's no getting around the numbers. The problem is when these dangers are contributed to homosexuality and not the prejudices and stresses the larger public puts on the minority group. Yes, it is much harder to be gay in America than it is to be straight. A loving, supportive family can go a long way in reducing these percentages.
I truly am proud to be gay. I don't carry a rainbow banner or march in parades with glitter in my hair. But I have no problem with being a queer. There are rough parts however. It's a unnerving feeling to know that people truly hate you, people you don't even know. They hate you with great honesty and passion. Nothing I have done in the past has created this hatred and nothing in the future will ease the feeling in many cases. They believe with their whole heart that I am a horrible being. The even harder part is when you realize that these people are good men and women. "They want me to burn in hell? No big, they suck." That's easy. When you start seeing them as good human beings, is when your heart starts to twinge. They were raised a certain way or have experienced the world from an point of view that has set them down a certain path. They believe in my immorality just as much as I believe in the air I breath.
I would never wish my children to have people hate them for such a reason. Or for them to always be mindful of where they are and who they are with. To sometimes walk in public a few steps behind the one they love. To pretend they aren't dating someone when asked in certain company. To have people assume they are a certain way because of one trait. I never want them to have to defend who they are to strangers or have strangers feel justified to pry into their lives.
There are so many discussions I am fine having with people, but I would never want my children to have. A family member once asked me why gays and lesbians have to make their sexuality into a lifestyle; why does it have to be such a big deal to them. We don't. The rest of the world makes it a big deal and a lifestyle, we just react to the society we live in.
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