Baby on Board at 11:39 AM

"Bitch, get out of my way I got a baby on board!" We've all seen them, the little yellow signs people put up in their car window to let everyone else know, "hey don't f-ck with me I got a baby." Anyone else notice though that these crazy women, yes they all are women, are the worst drivers on the road. How many times have you been cut off, only to get that little yellow sign staring back at you, out of their back window? I didn't have the kid. I didn't chose to be a soccer mom, driving my brats everywhere. When did it become my responsibility to protect your kids while you drive like a maniac? Maybe these signs should start being posted on the windshield instead. That way some stressed out mother of three would think twice about going 80 down the highway, weaving in and out of traffic, not once using a blinker. "How dare you drive like that. I have kids in the car!" I see that. Probably should be watching the road then, instead of sticking your head out the window to yell at me for not getting out of your way.

My Computer Makes Noise at 2:34 PM

WTF!? At school I always had my computer on mute so as not to disturb my roommate, yea I can be nice at times. Now however I don't have to worry about that so the sound is pumped up loud and usually playing some kind of really great music because thats how I roll. Well lately its been making really weird random noises. Not like "omg my computer is going to explode" noise but random dings and chimes and such. I always have a bunch of programs open and windows running on my desktop so they could be coming from anywhere. Every few minutes I hear one and get to go on a hunt. It's like playing a game with my computer, looking through all the windows to see if anything has moved or changed. Sometimes I expect to see some freakish monster hiding behind the open window with this look of guilt on his face as though I caught him making those random noises. Seriously its driving me crazy. Cut it out computer. Damn it, it did it again. Where is it coming from!!!???!!

We're Walking and Walking and Walking and.... at 6:48 PM

Omg what a freaking long day. I drove to the park to do some running/walking. I know I can walk anywhere really I want to and don't need to drive somewhere, but the park is so nice and that way I usually don't have to worry about getting hit by cars, usually. Today however this was not the case. After running in circles for about an hour, covering around three miles I think, I tried to get back into my car with the key I had put in my shoe. Well come to find out, the wonderful people who engineered the Cadillac thought it would be a good idea to have a key that starts the car and an entirely different key that opens the car. How was I supposed to know this? Every other time I just use the little clicker and unlock the door with magic. Well since the key that I needed was locked in the car, along with my cell phone and wallet, I started walking...some more. I remember as a kid (I know not very long ago) there were pay phones everywhere. Those days however seem to have been killed with the rise of the cell phone. After walking about a mile I find a gas station with a pay phone, call home and... no one answers :( I try a few more times before deciding there is no telling when someone will be home and I better start walking my ass home. Long story short, kind of, I dodge cars, walk where there should be but isn't a sidewalk, and get honked at a few times before reaching someone at home on a different pay phone. In all I think I walked about 8 miles today and learned a very valuable lesson. The current move away from American made cars is most likely due to the fact they make too many f--king keys for their cars and can't simplify like the foreigners, an important lesson if I do say so. But... I got a nice tan going and plenty of exercise today so its not all bad I guess.

Bees? Noooooo!!!!! at 6:06 PM

I know this is a little unlike my blog but can't help but share this video. The whole ecological apocalypse aside, this is a beautiful video. And yea I googled the whole bee dying thing and its scary sh-t. End of the world stuff people. I feel bad about killing that one bee that got in my room last semester. I'm sorry.

Green Month at 7:25 PM

It's April, which means two things. Austin gets a year older and, for the rest of the world, they all get to pretend that they care about the Earth. The people of the world go around picking up trash, recycling plastic, and turning off lights. Everyone gets to sip their green tea, low fat, light creme, latte out of a recycled cup and sleeve and drive their Ford pick-up, that has never seen a day of work, to Lowe's and buy a few energy saving light bulbs. It seems like every corporation gets a soul this month and trys to convince the public they really care. They run their little adds about how they save the planet, right between a Hummer add and McDonald's commercial. Next month however I'm sure the pillaging, plundering, and all out rape of the planet will continue as usual. Actually I'm sure everyone will make up for lost time.

p.s. To continue my attack on smokers...cigarette butts are litter. Stop throwing them out your window! They can take up to 11 years to degrade.

Cellphone of Death at 1:28 PM

I have come to the conclusion that the telephone is making my roommate sick. He seems fine one moment, but as soon as the phone rings all hell breaks loose. His voice lowers and sounds weaker, and he can't seem to breath without coughing up a lung as he tells his mom in a meek whisper of a voice, "yea I feel a little better". It seems to me that the simple answer to his illness would be not to answer the phone. Really it's like night and day. The phone comes on and he's all "goodbye cruel world, I caught whooping cough". I know I should be a good roommate and deal with his time of pain and illness with compassion but when it becomes this apparent I really have very little patients and sympathy.

But Wait There's More at 3:13 PM

Ok a few of you may be saying to yourself... But Austin, now that your not on MySpace how am I supposed to keep track of all the wisdom and wonderful stories you post? Don't worry my children I've thought of that. See the little form to the left over there? Type in your email and you can receive my updates in your very own in box. Don't want to do that? If you use iGoogle or GoogleHome you can click the little Google box and have the magic Gold Star put right on your homepage in a little box all to itself.